


Now I Only  Waste it Dreaming of You

by mikeywaypt2



Category: Waterparks (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, M/M, polyparx
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-11-26
Updated: 2020-03-30
Packaged: 2021-02-26 07:15:43
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 6,712
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21569773
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mikeywaypt2/pseuds/mikeywaypt2
Summary: I've been debating on what to write but knew for weeks I needed to work on a polyparx story. I decided on an AU with Geoff moving to Texas and meeting our boys in school. None of them will be 18 and I will mess with actual age differences to make it not weird, but, I'm making them not legal to avoid smut because I AM TERRIFIED OF ENDING UP ON THE PODCAST, AS A MUSICIAN TRYING TO BREAK INTO THE SAME SCENE I WOULD ACTUALLY DIE IF THEY EVEN KNEW I WROTE FANFIC ABOUT THEM OH MAN. This is going to be a multichapter fic but I haven't planned where it's going to go, so, discover that along with me and enjoy the ride! Guesses or suggestions of what will/should happen are very welcome if you want to get interactive in the comment section!If you didn't already know, the title of the work is from Of All the Gin Joints in All the World by  Fall Out Boy! And the chapter title is from Sophomore Slump or Comeback of the Year. I don't know why I started working on this while listening to From Under the Cork Tree instead of Waterparks, but, I did and it shows!
Relationships: Awsten Knight/Geoff Wigington, Awsten Knight/Geoff Wigington/Otto Wood, Awsten Knight/Otto Wood, Geoff Wigington/Otto Wood, awsten knight/grace marie (past), otto wood/grace marie (past)
Kudos: 30





	1. Got a Sunset In My Veins

**Author's Note:**

> I've been debating on what to write but knew for weeks I needed to work on a polyparx story. I decided on an AU with Geoff moving to Texas and meeting our boys in school. None of them will be 18 and I will mess with actual age differences to make it not weird, but, I'm making them not legal to avoid smut because I AM TERRIFIED OF ENDING UP ON THE PODCAST, AS A MUSICIAN TRYING TO BREAK INTO THE SAME SCENE I WOULD ACTUALLY DIE IF THEY EVEN KNEW I WROTE FANFIC ABOUT THEM OH MAN. This is going to be a multichapter fic but I haven't planned where it's going to go, so, discover that along with me and enjoy the ride! Guesses or suggestions of what will/should happen are very welcome if you want to get interactive in the comment section! 
> 
> If you didn't already know, the title of the work is from Of All the Gin Joints in All the World by Fall Out Boy! And the chapter title is from Sophomore Slump or Comeback of the Year. I don't know why I started working on this while listening to From Under the Cork Tree instead of Waterparks, but, I did and it shows!

Awsten and Otto were comfortable. That was the very important part of all of this. They were comfortable and secure in their relationship and they had been for a long time. They've been together since freshman year od high school and now they're both 16 and for the last year they've been exploring polyamory. It all started when Awsten brought up having feelings for Grace, terrified that his boyfriend would be upset but needing to get it out lest it come out in an uncomfortable moment and ruin everything. At least they could get ahead of the whole thing if he brought it up in a moment of controlled, semi-calm. He'd expected Otto to be upset and cry or scream or want to break up with him or something. Instead he'd started laughing, leaving Awsten confused for several minutes until his boyfriend calmed down enough to explain he felt similarly but had been too afraid to bring it up. Otto had been the one to mention the word polyamory and try to explain it based on his limited knowledge. This led to days of researching and reading and talking about rules and guidelines and boundaries before they finally decided to broach the subject with Grace. 

And at first it worked. She expressed her own interest and they all dated each other and it was nice. Until things got weird. Until she got distant from Awsten and seemed to prefer Otto and only use him as an excuse to date the curly haired boy. Awsten constantly felt cold and anxious, strung along and betrayed and in the dark. It wasn't long before their relationship had crumbled. They broke up and at first Awsten was okay with Otto continuing to date her. At least, he said he was. he was terrified. He didn't want to express his discomfort and insecurity and be left by his boyfriend for the easier relationship with someone genuinely happy and secure in herself. He could still remember how bad things got. The twisting, stabbing feeling in his gut when they ate lunch as a group with his and Otto's friends and he felt like he was tossed to the side as she made sure to make an obnoxious show of being all over him, of marking her territory. He can distinctly remember all of the crying and the nights spent up and wanting to throw it all away- wanting to throw himself away. He can remember the fights with Otto, the bitter screaming matches that built and built until all of the terror and anxiety inside of him reached a breaking point and he snapped, sobbing on Otto's floor and spilling his guts about how terrible he felt and how he thought everything was going to end. That was the first night he told Otto that he loved him. He remembers the shift in the atmosphere, the stiffling tension and anxiety turning into an electric sort of serenity in the long moments where time seemed to stand still until Otto said it back in an awestruck tone and everything seemed to snap back into the proper pace.  
Otto broke up with Grace the next day at school. Awsten felt guilty about it, but Otto assured him that he wanted to do it, he didn't want to be with someone who made his boyfriend feel so fucking terrible all the time. She stills shoots him ice cold glares from across the cafeteria or the chemistry classroom, but at least she keeps her distance. 

They haven't both dated the same person since then, but, they have seen other people since then, much more secure in their own relationship and much better at communication than they were then. They always introduce their new interests to each other, get feedback, let the other know if anything's uncomfortable. Nothing's gotten serious since then. No long term relationships. But they've explored and dated and they're both happy and uncomfortable. 

And that's why they're here now, staring at the new kid before he can notice them and talking quietly to each other. He's in Awsten's guitar class second period and he swears he's had a crush from the moment the other walked in. He's 17. Just moved from California. Very soft spoken, when he chooses to speak up (which isn't often). Awsten can't quite explain what it is, what the slightly older boy does to him. They sit next to each other in the crowded classroom. Share a music stand. Sometimes their hands touch when they haven't agreed on who should turn the music to the next sheet and they both go to do it at the same time. It always produces a weird, warm electricity in his stomach. Awsten can't look at him when they're supposed to be playing. It makes him freeze, makes fireworks go off inside him when he looks into those amazing blue eyes. He has to force himself to focus. 

"He's cute," Otto commented with a grin, nudging Awsten playfully. "But you better not think he's cuter than I am. I mean, look at those eyes." 

"I could never," Awsten commented with a laugh, pressing a kiss to Otto's cheek. He flashed his boyfriend a smile. "But he is cute. And he seems sad, so, don't be too sarcastic and just--" He cut himself off as he looked back at Geoff and noticed the other was looking over at them. "Oh, we better get over there," he commented, directing the smile toward the older boy now as Otto waved and they made their way over to the table. "Hey! Geoff, this is Otto. Otto, this is Geoff from my second period. He's really great at guitar." 

"Hi," Geoff spoke in his usual soft voice, presenting a smile that didn't quite light up his eyes and made Awsten's chest ache slightly. "Nice to meet you." 

"You too," Otto commented with a shit eating grin. "Awsten talks about you a lot." That comment earned him an elbow to the ribs and made them both disolve into giggles that caught Geoff off guard for the briefest moment before his own smile warmed softly and he seemed to get more comfortable. Maybe this would work. Maybe it would go somewhere.


	2. But it's Better Than Nothing (Yeah, I Know)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you're here and don't know where this title is from... How? Anyway, there are brief mentions of illness/death in regards to Geoff's backstory/why he moved. Nothing graphic, but, thought I'd give you a headsup! I'm considering adding other fandoms, but, i don't want to take focus from our boys and I'm not sure which bands or characters. If you have thoughts, let me know! I just realized i have no clue if you can schedule chapters and if so i don't know how to do it, so, things will just be posted as i write them because I'm not scheduling stuff and I don't want to forget so, maybe some days will have multiple chapters! Enjoy the sporadic stuff

Geoff wasn't sure exactly what he had been expecting, but it definitely wasn't that. Lunch was good. He talked to more people than he had at one time than he had the entire two weeks he'd been in Texas- Otto and Awsten's friends Zakk, Travis, and Jawn had all eventually joined the table- and he'd actually enjoyed himself. They were all nice and easy to be around. Geoff had smiled and laughed more in that 45 minutes than he had in months. It was a reprieve from his thoughts, from memories of diagnoses and listening to doctors ramble about words he didn't understand and days spent trying not to sleep while sitting in a hospice center and uncomfortable suits at an endless funerals. No one gave him sympathetic smiles filled with pity. No one asked about his mom. No one knew how deeply he was hurting or why. No one talked about how his entire world had crumbled and every moment was depression and anxiety. And for 45 whole minutes his world wasn't. He felt warm inside for the first time in ages. He felt wanted and welcomed. 

That didn't change the curveball that lunch had thrown at him. He'd been talking to Awsten before and after class leading up to today. He thought the younger boy had a crush on him and the thought had really grown on him to the point that he was feeling it too and it was a comfort to him. He'd never suspected that the other had a boyfriend until he'd seen the other with Otto. It wasn't surprising. Of course someone as bubbly and warm as Awsten had a boyfriend. And Otto deserved to be the guy. He was friendly and clearly loved the blue haired boy. Geoff guessed  
Awsten was just really friendly. It was fine though. All he had was a tiny crush. He could will it away, he had experience with that. Things would be okay. 

The important thing that he tried to focus on as the bell rang and he gathered his things was that it seemed like he had friends now. They liked him, right? It didn't feel like forced niceness. The laughs and smiles felt genuine. It seemed like the other guys all actually wanted to get to know him and have him around. That was nice. He hadn't expected this to happen. He expected everything to go downhill after his mother died. It seemed like it had been. He didn't know whether he got distant or his friends in California did, but none of them checked in on him anymore. He guessed he couldn't blame them. He was beyond depressed. He wasn't sleeping, he wasn't eating, he wasn't doing much of anything other than sleeping or lying in bed and wishing he was. He wasn't easy to deal with anymore. He wasn't the happy guy anymore. He wasn't who they'd decided they liked and wanted around. He'd changed and he guessed they were allowed to change their minds too. 

"So, we're doing lunch again tomorrow, right?" 

Geoff hadn't realized how lost in his spiraling thoughts he had become until Awsten's sunny voice cut through the chaos and pulled him back up above the surface. His head snapped up from his backpack to look at the other, heart skipping a beat at the intensity of the smile on his face. 

"Oh, I--" Geoff stumbled over his words for a moment, tried to shake off the shock before he felt a shy, surprised smile spread across his own features. "Yeah. I'd love that. See you tomorrow," he replied as they all gathered their things and said their goodbye before going their separate ways.  
\-----------------------------------

Neither of them were exactly sure how it happened, but both Awsten and Otto had ended up with study hall as their period after lunch. The teacher who ran it didn't give two shits about what happened, so for them it meant heading to the library for roll call and then if it wasn't storming and was warm enough going out to the football field. They'd finally gotten outside, going to lay in the grass and just enjoy the lazy warmth of the sun after eating as well as the warmth of each other's proximity. 

Currently Awsten's head was resting on Otto's chest, eyes shut as he listened to his boyfriend's heart beat and practically purred at the sensation of fingers running through his hair and ghosting along his spine. He knew they were going to talk about Geoff, but, he wasn't going to say anything before Otto did. He was waiting for the other's thoughts, letting him guide this relationship. 

"I see why you like him,"Otto finally commented, pressing a kiss to blue hair. 

"Isn't he great?" Awsten asked with a grin, eyes still shut as he just relaxed. "I don't know why he seems so sad and i don't want to push him about it... But it was so great to see him smile so much. It's gorgeous, really. I want him to smile more." 

Otto smiled down at his boyfriend, tugged him a little closer and held on just a tiny bit tighter. "You amaze me," he mumbled, causing Awsten to open his eyes and earning a confused, questioning look. "You just care so much," he explained. "About everyone and everything. It's so pure. You're so pure. " 

Awsten cut him off with a gentle kiss, not wanting to listen to Otto ramble about how much he loved him. They had plenty of time for that, he didn't want to derail this conversation. He broke away after a few moments, returning to his previous position and trailing his fingertips along Otto's ribs. 

"I think you should talk to him," Otto finally said. "See what he thinks about everything and if he's okay with us and all that, go for it." 

Awsten's brow furrowed, but he didn't open his eyes. "You don't have more questions? " 

"Of course I have questions," Otto replied in a content mumble, "but he makes you happy and he clearly enjoys being around you so I want to say that now. Before I forget or something." 

"I love you," Awsten mumbled. 

"I love you too," Otto replied. Letting them settle into a comfortable silence for a few moments. "What color is he?" 

Awsten's Synesthesia had become a pretty frequent topic of discussion between him and Otto since he had first explained it to his boyfriend. Which was useful. Sometimes he felt like his brain short circuted and he couldn't think of actual emotion based words for how he was feeling or the vibes he got from someone, only colors and shades. He and Otto had sat down and made a mood chart that incorporated the colors so that when he was struggling so Otto could look at it and try to understand and actually help. Sometimes he was just curious. Awsten could remember when he'd been asked by Otto what color his boyfriend was to him, while lying in a similar position on a similar afternoon. He was a soft yellow. Warm. The kind of yellow the sun is on an afternoon in springtime when the sun felt just right and was less likely to burn you. He was safe. Secure. Home. 

He had to think about what color Geoff was to him for a moment. It felt homey too. But different. He wasn't the same color as Otto was. There was a different sort of excitement there, probably due to the lack of familiarity, and he had to try to push that aspect aside to get to the true color that was Geoff's essence. 

"He's a mix of pink and orange," Awsten finally answered. "Like a sunset. When things start to cool down. He's cool. I don't mean like... popular cool. Like, temperature cool. But not cold. Like when night settles and there's just a little breeze and it's comforting and you can feel yourself breathe a little deeper but there's still a little crackle of electricity. Eternal sunset. Soft and pink with streaks of orange." 

Otto smiled as his boyfriend opened his eyes to look up at him. "Give it two more weeks and you'll be in love with him too," he teased fondly. 

Awsten laughed but didn't respond. Maybe he would be. It sounded nice. As long as it wasn't unrequited.


	3. The Light at the End of the Hall

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yeah.... More Waterparks lyrics titles but I'll say this one is from Silver since it's not as clear. 
> 
> This chapter will deal a little more with grief and talk a little more about Geoff's mom but it's not really graphic. Just a warning

Today was hard. Really the whole week was. It was Friday. The Friday two days before Mother's Day. Geoff knew that this would be rough, but he hadn't expected exactly how hard it would hit. It wasn't a slow build either. It was like a sucker punch straight to the gut. It made his chest ache and knocked the air from him and caused the pressure and headache behind his eyes that always came with suppressed tears. He had to try to keep acting though. Act like he was still happier than he had been when he first moved. He thought he was doing pretty okay at it, but, he'd noticed Otto and Awsten exchanging worried looks when they thought he wasn't watching. They'd figured out something was up. So far he wasn't slipping too much though. No one else had seemed to notice. 

Today was extra hard though. Today meant the weekend was coming. And unlike the past few weekends he couldn't spend it with his friends. They would be busy. They all had moms. They all had something to celebrate. Unlike Geoff, who had no one to buy a card for or make dinner for or hug and tell how much he loved her. Not this year. Not any year after this unless he ended up with some girl and had kids of his own. They were all sitting at their regular table at lunchtime and Geoff was just trying to keep it cool and collected as he listened to his friends talk about their moms and their plans and how they were going to show their moms how much they appreciated them. Geoff wished he'd done that more when he still had the chance. Wished he'd made every day mother's day for her while she was sick and in a hospital bed and still trying so hard to comfort him and his father. 

That thought was what had broken him. He hadn't done enough. He hadn't been enough. He was an awful son and he should have showered her with love while he still had her here to listen to it. Especially while she was sick. Especially while she was dying and still trying to be the rock for everyone around her. And there it was again. There was the pressure and the pain in his head. There was the sensation of strangulation. Except it was worse. The headache was a migraine and his lungs felt completely collapsed as Awsten rambled proudly about the gift he and Gracie had picked out and how he'd written his mom a song and everything was coming together perfectly. Geoff didn't realize how hard he was shaking until he tried to pick up the container of almond milk he'd brought from home and instead knocked it over. 

He felt frozen as he watched the liquid pour over the table, watched it saturate the homework that Zakk was trying to finish for his next period, and that's when he shattered as it all came crashing down on him. The dam burst and the tears streaked down his face, sobs bursting forward from his chest and ripping his throat to shreds as he fought to breathe. 

"I'm s-s-sorry," he gasped out as he stood, not even caring about his things or his food or anything but the fact that they were all staring in confusion and concern. He needed space. He needed to get out of her and get a grip before they distanced themselves and disappeared from his life for good. 

He stumbled to his feet and then he was running down the hall, avoiding people the best he could on his way to the empty classroom he'd found on his first day that he knew would be unlocked.   
He could hide in there. He could try to calm down and figure out what to do. He didn't care that he hadn't brought a single thing he owned with him, he just needed to cry it out. 

It took a few tries to open the door, but soon he was in the empty, dark classroom and letting himself collapse to the ground, curling in on himself as he gasped for air.   
\----------------------------------------  
The silence that fell over the lunch table the second the milk spilled was deafening. They all seemed to be trapped in it until the moment Geoff ran and it's hold on them broke. Everyone seemed to be talking at once, the concern and confusion and not really knowing what to do spilling out over all of them. 

Awsten and Otto had a special sort of focus on them, communicating in an unspoken language for the first few moments. 

"Go," Otto finally spoke softly. "Find him. I'll grab his shit and catch up." 

Awsten nodded, swinging his own backpack onto his shoulder as he started down the same path Geoff had taken, still just barely seeing the taller boy in the distance. His heart was pounding and stuttering in his chest, every thought nothing but Geoff and needing to know Geoff was okay and needing to know how to make Geoff stop crying. He turned down the hall he's seen Geoff disappear onto just as a door swung shut, knowing that had to be where he had gone. He paused outside of the room to text the number to Otto before he took a deep breath and made his way inside. 

And that's when he's heart shattered. Geoff was actually laying on the floor, arms wrapped around himself and face burried in the disgusting carpet as he curled in further and further on himself, clearly trying to feel safe and stop whatever pain was currently crashing over him in waves at the moment. 

The bluehaired teenager stumbled forward, silently cursing his bad eyes and how hard it was to navigate in the dark. He sank to the floor beside the older boy as the door opened and softly shut behind the Otto who had just entered with a backpack in each hand. 

"Geoff," Awsten spoke softly, trying to alert the other of his presence and wincing at the way Geoff still flinched. 

"Go-- P-Please go. I don't want you to see me like this," Geoff choked out, shaking violently with his sobs. 

"Hey, hey no. It's okay to cry," Awsten reassured softly as he sat near Geoff and Otto came to do the same. "Otto's here too. He brought your stuff. Everyone's worried..." He paused, taking a deep breath as he tried to pick his words carefully, tried not to accidentally cause the crying boy to shut them out further. "What's wrong? You've seemed really upset all week. Talk to us, please?" 

"My mom's dead," Geoff answered, barely audible. The words still had a terrible impact, left Awsten and Otto feeling more lost and clueless and desperate to somehow help. "She had cancer. It was... It was really bad. Aggressive. Late stages by time they actually caught it... We moved after she died.... My dad couldn't handle being in the same town. We tried living in another house first, but, it still wasn't enough and his family's out here so we moved." He paused for several moments, talking getting harder as the sobs became more violent. 

Awsten took that as a chance to speak, to try to soothe. "I'm sorry," he whispered. "I'm so sorry for your loss, Geoff. I can't even imagine..." He shook his head. "It's okay to cry, it makes sense to cry, but you can't work yourself up into a panic attack at school. Breathe was us, okay?" He and Otto both started to take slow, deep breaths, exaggerating them so that Geoff could hear it. He was clearly still struggling, so Awsten took one of his hands to set against his own ribcage so Geoff could feel it as Otto started to count each inhale and exhale out loud for Geoff to follow. It felt like it took forever, but after a few minutes the sobbing had stopped and the older boy seemed to have mostly cried himself out. 

"I didn't want anyone to know," Geoff eventually whispered. "Especially not now, when everyone's so happy about their moms. My friends in California... they uh... they don't talk to me anymore... I got dumped right before we moved too... They couldn't handle me being so sad... I didn't want to go through that again..." 

"That's awful," Otto commented in a soft voice, a hint of anger to his tone at what Geoff described. "I'm so sorry. But none of us are doing that. We like having you around. Whether you're happy or sad or angry or whatever. We're here." 

"Yeah. Cross our hearts," Awsten commented. 

Geoff sniffled in response, slowly lifting his head and shifting to sit up. He looked so broken. His eyes were red and so were his cheeks and he looked pale and sunken from all the weight bearing down on him. And yet, as he lifted his hand to wipe at his eyes and cheeks and his blue eyes flickered down in an attempt to stay somewhat hidden, Awsten was overwhelmed by how beautiful he looked and the blue haired boy's breath caught. He hadn't planned this. He wasn't sure he actually even thought at all before moving. He'd planned to talk to Geoff when the right moment came up, he planned to explain everything. Instead he was shifting forward until his breath mingled with the older boy's and their lips were pressed together, overwhelmed by the warm smell of his cologne and shampoo and the audible intake of breath and the faint taste of tobacco from cigarettes that someone else must buy for him. Everything inside him was just shouting Geoff's name over and over until the other pulled away with a confused and almost frightened expression fixed right on Awsten. Fuck. He definitely had some explaining to do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The scene here will be continued in the next chapter, I just didn't want to make this one obnoxiously long. I really intended for this to be more of a slow burn and now it just... isn't. Oh well! Please someone leave me comments! <3


	4. C'mon, Angel, Don't You Cry

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just accidentally ashed my cigarette on my finger instead of in my ash tray while typing this title chapter (from My Way Home is Through You by MCR) so please cry for me even though it didn't really hurt and was mostly just a shock! 
> 
> Anyway,let's continue that scene from the last chapter and see where our boys end up now!

Awsten was desperately searching for words to say while Otto just sort of looked at the pair, but Geoff seemed to find the strength to speak first. 

"Wh-what?" He questioned softly, blinking in confusion as his gaze flickered rapidly from Awsten to Otto and back again in an endless cycle that Otto was pretty sure was going to make the older boy dizzy. "I thought--I thought you two were dating--" 

"We are," Awsten cut him off, trying to jump in and explain but Geoff didn't seem to want to stop. 

"Then why did you kiss me in front of your boyfriend? Isn't that kind of... That's fucked up," Geoff pushed on, voice squeaky and cracking as he fixed his gaze on Otto now, searching for any sign of anger or impending danger. 

"Just let him talk," Otto mumbled gently and Geoff let his gaze drift back open to Awsten. This explanation better be good. Geoff didn't want to feel awkward or anxious around his friends. He didn't want to end up alone again. 

"Otto and I are polyamorous," Awsten explained after taking a deep breath. Geoff must have looked as confused as he felt, because he continued to explain after only a brief pause. "It means... Well, it's kind of like an open relationship, but not really. We date other people... Mostly casually up to this point...Sometimes we both date the same person and sometimes we don't but we have rules around it like... We have to communicate openly and honestly and stuff. Otto already knew I like you, otherwise i wouldn't have..." He trailed off and shook his head, letting that thought end there. "We let each other know if we're interested in someone else and we get feedback. Like, we don't tell each other who we're allowed to date, but, comfort is really important and we try to avoid dating anyone the other isn't comfortable with--" 

Geoff's brain seemed to catch up at this point, knowing that Awsten probably had more to say but wanting to ask his questions and not forget them in his emotionally driven state. "Is that why you introduced me to your friends? So Otto could meet me?" 

Awsten blushed and shrugged, quiet for a moment. "Yes and no. I kibnda had like... Crush at first sight going on," he admitted. "So yeah, I really wanted Otto to meet you, but, you also seemed sad and lonely and I couldn't stand that. I knew everyone would like you and I wanted you to have friends..." 

The room fell back into silence for a few long moments, but at least it wasn't tense. It just felt like they were all thinking and processing. 

"he definitely didn't plan on just kissing you out of the blue," Otto offered up. "We planned on getting you to sit down with just us and talk about everything. Awsten isn't just playing games he really does want to actually date you and..." He paused, taking a deep breath of his own. "I definitely see why he wants to be with you and I'm honestly feeling it too...I guess what we're trying to ask is--" 

Awsten cut him off, wanting to take the moment back himself and anxious to just get it out there. 'Would you want to try? Dating us. We'll get it if you say no and if you want space or whatever." 

"I..." Geoff started and stopped, brow furrowing as he took the moment that they allowed him to think and absently wiping at his eyes again. 'yeah... I um, yeah... I think so..." He replied, letting out a soft, surprised laugh at his own answer. He couldn't hold back a smile at the way Awsten lit up like a puppy dog and grasped onto his hand while Otto kissed his cheek, not wanting to overwhelm Geoff when he was already dealing with emotional overdrive. 

"Can we get back to our friends now?" Otto suggested. "They're worried about you." 

Geoff took a deep breath and nodded, grateful for the help to his feet that his boyfriends offered when they stood. The trio walked down the hall quietly, Awsten and Otto each holding one of Geoff's hands. This felt good. He hadn't even realized how much he needed human touch and affection until it had been offered to himand he was still lost in that thought when they made it back to their table and sat again. 

Awsten and Otto both instantly had their phones in their hands and he had a feeling they were texting each other from their positions on either side of him, but, he tried not to think too much about what they might be saying to each other. Instead his gaze drifted over to Zakk, the other b oy catching his eyeand smiling. 

"Don't worry about my homework," he spoke up, almost like he had read Geoff's mind. 'I got it mostly dry and I finished. I don't think my teacher's gonna care. I mean, at least it's only milk, right?" 

Geoff smiled weakly and nodded, glad that the conversation had drifted off to something other than mothers. Maybe he could get through today. Maybe he could get through this weekend.   
\----------------------------------------------

Sunday rolled around way too quickly and it was as difficult as Geoff had initially imagined it would be. Despite it being almost noon and him not having spent more than a few minutes out of bed to pee and brush his teeth he hadn't gotten a second of sleep. He was sort of avoiding his dad and it seemed like the man was doing the same. He wasn't hurt by it. Neither of them were ready yet. This was their first Mother's Day without his mom. There was a lot of processing to do and they weren't ready for the inevitable crying when either one of them acknowledged it outloud. So they were sticking to their own spaces and Geoff was contemplating sleep again when he was startled by three rapid taps on his window. 

He sat up, rubbing at his eyes and trying to shake off the confusion. He was on the second floor, he didn't think there was any way to climb up to his window, and whatever made the noise was too small to be a human hand. He stretched and rolled out of bed, padding barefoot across the floor to his window to look outside. He was surprised when he saw Otto and Awsten on his front lawn, the blue haired boy grinning when he saw Geoff and Otto lowering the arm that had been poised and prepared to toss another rock. He carefully opened the window and leaned out of it slightly.

"Hey, Romeo!" Awsten called up, laughing happily as he noticed the slight smile that snuck its way onto their boyfriend's face. 

"If I'm up here and you're down there wouldn't I be Juliette?" Geoff questioned, smiling a little wider when Awsten laughed again, though he felt completely devoid of energy. 

"Oh shit, he's right!" Awsten exclaimed, grabbing Otto's hand. "Anyway, come down here or we'll be in to get you!" 

"Shouldn't you be with your moms?" Geoff questioned, smile slipping from his face again. 

Otto shook his head. "We'll explain when you're down here, okay?" 

Geoff's brow furrowed in confusion, but he nodded. "Okay, hold on," he called back, closing the window before he hurried to get dressed and tried to fix his hair, not wanting to look as awful as he felt. He made sure he had his wallet and phone before leaving his bedroom, knocking lightly on the door to his dad's but not opening it. "Hey, dad...?" He started softly, forehead leaning against the wood that separated them. "I um... I'm going to go for a little bit..." He paused and took a deep breath. "I'll uh... Get lemon cake on the way home," he offered, voice cracking slightly. "Mom's favorite... We can do something, yeah?" He paused again, swallowing hard when he didn't get a response. "Okay... " He mumbled, sighing softly and telling himself he wouldn't cry. "I love you," he finally supplied before turning and heading down the stairs, going to join his boyfriends. He had a bad feeling, but, he tried to shake it as he locked the front door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I haven't decided yet whether or not the ending of this chapter will be some kind of foreshadowing. We shall see!


	5. You Don't Wanna See the Sun Anymore

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Major trigger warning for this chapter!!! Nothing graphic, but, there is a suicide attempt made by a background character. No details described, but, proceed with caution. 
> 
> Also, sorry this update took me 5 months or whatever. I started writing this the day I published the last chapter ut life has been busy and I was not in the place mentally to keep writing what I had decided would happen here.
> 
> Chapter title from When It Rains by Paramore.

Mother's Day with his boyfriends really was amazing. It was easy to shove all of the hurt to the back of his mind. They had a picnic and then stretched out on their blanket in the park and just cuddled while they listened to music. Eventually Geoff decided that he needed to go home, so they piled back into Otto's car and stopped only briefly at the H.E.B so that he could grab the cake that he promised his dad and Awsten could get orange juice. 

Soon enough they were walking through Geoff's front door, still laughing and talking. "I'm going to see if my dad's up. I'd love for you to meet him before you go." He paused and held the cake out toward Awsten. "Can you just put this in the kitchen for me?"

"Of course, baby," Awsten replied, smiling and pecking Geoff's lips as he took the cake. 

Geoff smiled and kissed Otto swiftly as well before bounding up the stairs toward his father's bedroom. Awsten hummed as he made his way to the kitchen and put the cake away, Otto following after the blue haired boy. As the fridge door swung shut, Awsten noticed a letter addressed to Geoff and he reached out to grab it. He had started to read as Otto moved to sit on a counter top.   
Awsten frowned as he scanned the sloppy writing, hand raising to cover his mouth. Geoff was going to be crushed by what he found upstairs and Awsten thought he'd be sick. 

"Geoff-" He called out warily, though he was just a few moments too late, a fact made evident by the fact that Geoff was screaming from the top of the stairs now. "Otto, ambulance. Please call. Please, we have to-- To do something." 

Otto jumped down from the counter and pulled his phone out, making the call as he rushed toward the stairs. Awsten could hear him speaking on his way up to their boyfriend. "Hi, uh, my boyfriend's father attempted suicide, we need an ambulance." 

The blue haired boy took a moment to breathe before he was making his way up the stairs as well. The scene in the bedroom was awful and he had to pull Geoff back and out of the room when he saw how the older boy was frozen in pain and not of any use in the room with his father. 

At first Geoff fought against Awsten's hold before he just sort of collapsed against the other, clutching at his shoulders as he sobbed and fought to hold himself together. 

"Help's on the way, baby," Awsten tried to soothe."We'll get through this. " 

Geoff was shaking so hard that Awsten thought they might both fall apart and he really didn't think this could hurt anymore to see than it already did. Until Geoff spoke. "I'm going to be alone. He's leaving me too." His words were barely a whisper and full of pain, yet they were the loudest thing to Awsten. Louder than Otto, who had been instructed to stay on the phone until help arrived, answering questions posed by the emergency dispatcher so that the paramedics would be fully informed of the situation when they arrived on scene or the sound of sirens in the distance that were gradually building. He couldn't tell his boyfriend that his father would be okay. Not when he had no clue what was going to happen. Not when Geoff had already lost one parent and the fear must be just that much more real. Awsten was scared too. He was afraid of where the older boy would end up if he lost his father too. Afraid of the possibility of his newfound boyfriend retreating further into himself until he just disappeared. Figuratively or literally. But Awsten had to push his own fears aside for now. He had to say something. 

"You will never be alone," he responded as swiftly as his body would allow him to. The very moment he found his voice. "No matter what happens. You have me and you have Otto and all of our friends will be here. Whether it's because of this or some other terrible ache or you're just... grumpy over a bad hair day or something. Big or small, you will always have all of us. We will not let the darkness win. We will never let you lose yourself. Understand that, Geoff."

The L word was bubbling on his tongue. The sudden and nearly irresistable urge to tell Geoff Wigington that he absolutely loved every inch of him- body, soul, and mind- was overwhelming the blue haired boy and Awsten had to force himself to shut up. Now was not the time. It was too early. Geoff's father might actually be dying. He could not do anything that included a risk of fucking things up or isolating his boyfriend in any way. 

It was beyond a relief when the sound of sirens outside became a loud and steady sound in the yard. And then they were both pulled out of their respective thoughts as Otto hung up the phone and went bolting past them down the stairs to open the door and lead up a parade of paramedics and cops. 

At this point, Geoff seemed pretty detached from reality. He was trembling and twitching, completely unresponsive after he confirmed for the EMTs who he was and that if anything should happen he served as both emergency contact and next of kin. He'd frozen to think when asked of anyone else could be contacted if necessary before he finally rattled off the name and number of an aunt. From that point Awsten and Otto answered questions and tried to shield Geoff from everything happening in the bedroom. 

And then the three teenagers were being led down the stairs and Geoff was being offered a ride with his father in the ambulance. 

"Where are you taking him?" He replied in a soft voice. "We'll meet you there. I just... I need a moment." 

The weight of that statement seemed to crush all three boys just a bit. It was somehow reserved at the same time as being tiny and vulnerable and broken. No one said anything about it though. Rather, Geoff made a note of the hospital's name in his phone and promptly searched for it in the GPS. Then his father was being loaded into the back of the ambulance and his eyes stayed trained on the scene in front of him as trembling hands fished a cigarette from the pack in his pocket and placed it between his lips before fumbling with his lighter. He maintained the best air of composure as he could until the ambulance pulled away and he threw the lighter down in frustration, tears streaming down his cheeks. 

Neither Awsten nor Otto spoke a word. There was nothing to say. Rather, Awsten reached for their boyfriend's hand as Otto crouched to pick up the lighter and lit Geoff's cigarette for him. They let the silence stretch on as the oldest boy took long, desperate drags from it, no one knowing what to do in the moment. It was going to be a long day, but, if Awsten was being honest nothing could make him give up the fear and the ache and impending exhaustion. Not if that would mean a life without Geoff Wigington ever having stood beside him. They would be okay. They had to be.

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you like it so far! If I can finish this next chapter up I'll go ahead and schedule it to post tomorrow or something so i don't have to think about a schedule for posting and can keep moving as i get work done! Kudos are great, comments are even better! <3 next chapter will probably be longer because I plan to include Geoff's POV and probably either Awsten or Otto's.


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